


I know it's hard, but I'll hold you.

by crinklinglou



Series: And I'll Be There [2]
Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Asthma attack, Asthmatic Harry, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack, Protective Louis, Sad Harry, Small Harry, Tall Louis, inhaler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crinklinglou/pseuds/crinklinglou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Harry has bad days. Louis is always there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I know it's hard, but I'll hold you.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you like it! Everybody needs little Harry at some point in their lives, right? I hope this was fluffy enough, haha xx

Louis is a very protective boyfriend. Too protective sometimes, he knows it, but it's just so hard not to be. How can you not want to protect such a perfect, fragile person like Harry? How can you not want to hold him and tuck him into your chest and never let him go? It's so difficult for him to hold back, to keep every emotion retained almost every day, everywhere they go. Louis can't remember when he got so protective, when he started to feel the urge to keep Harry safe every second of the day.

There's nothing that makes him more frustrated than not being able to, especially when rude interviewers like to ask Harry so many disrespectful questions, questions that he _knows_  are making him uncomfortable. He remembers the first time he saw Harry, all wild curls and cheeky smiles, tiny hands and clumsy legs. He remembers the sleepless nights at the X factor house, the nights where his thoughts couldn't stay away from shiny green eyes and chocolate curls. He'd been so confused back then, trying to figure out what was it that this boy made him feel. It had only taken one night of drunken kisses with Harry to make him realize that there was no one else he wanted, no one else that could make him feel the way Harry did.

"Louis?" He hears, and his head snaps up immediately, the sharp movement making him a little dizzy.

"Yeah?" He says, trying to sound somewhat interested.

He wasn't paying attention. He doesn't need to, he knows what it is they're gonna ask him to do, knows it's going to make Harry miserable once again, he doesn't need to be reminded.

"Did you catch anything I just said?" The man says, and Louis stares at him, feels his eyebrows draw in together, his mouth forming into a thin line.

"No, not really if I'm being honest. But it's okay. Don't worry. I know the drill." he says, any emotion but anger drained from his voice. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

He knows what comes next. Sad green eyes looking up at him, trembling little fingers gripping his sweatshirt, tiny sniffles close to his ear. It's always been so hard for Harry, having to see Louis with her. Sometimes it's okay, a little sadness filling his eyes, but it's okay. He's okay. There's other times, where things are not okay. It depends on how much time it is, or what Louis is supposed to do, but either way, every time it happens it's as if someone was teasing Harry's fragile heart, tapping at it, waiting until it finally breaks.

Louis knows this isn't going to be one of those times where it's okay. He knows this isn't going to be okay. He's going to have to leave Harry for a week. A week where he'll have to be with her, minutes away from Harry, but yet so, so far away. It isn't that long, he knows it. They've been separated for way more time before, but this time is different. This time he's going to miss his and Harry's three year anniversary, he's going to miss the trip they'd planned all those months ago, the trip that made Harry's eyes twinkle with joy every single time they talked about it.

Louis sometimes wonders if this is all worth it. If breaking Harry's heart multiple times is worth it. It had been okay for a while, at the beginning. They were able to flirt openly, and stare at each other. They'd touch each other easily, no one behind their backs to tell them it was wrong. The decision of staying closeted was theirs back then. That is until the rumors began to float around. And at first it was all fun and games, Louis being so amused at how much effort the fans were putting into these theories, laughing at everything that was said about them online, but then management stepped in, and it wasn't all fun and games anymore.

The first time Eleanor was introduced was the first time Harry'd had an asthma attack in front of Louis. The first time Louis saw how the breath was taken away from the love of his life, the first time he felt so helpless as he stared into those beautiful emerald eyes, searching for an answer, for a solution, and saw nothing but fear. It's probably the worst memory Louis has, his worst nightmare. He remembers how guilty he'd felt afterwards, after Harry was taken to the hospital, how horrible he'd felt that he couldn't help Harry, that he had no idea what to do. He remembers wanting to fix everything, wanting to make Harry stop hurting. He thinks maybe that's when he started to be so protective.

The meeting ends, and Louis storms out of the room. He knows someone is behind him, probably someone from security, but he ignores the person until he makes it to his car. He turns around, notices it's Alberto and gives him a short, stiff nod. Alberto returns it and turns away once Louis gets into his car. He sighs, and rests his head on top of the steering wheel. He feels tears prickle at the back of his eyes, and he closes them, not letting any of them slip away. He turns the engine on, lets out a deep breath, and drives away.

 

-•-

 

 

He can't help but smile at the sound of Harry's angelic voice resounding through every room as he steps into their flat. It's always so calming, makes his thrashing thoughts disappear. He sets the keys on the little table they keep by the door, toes off his shoes and walks into the kitchen, only to find Harry making something. It's probably another one of his weird inventions. ("Works of art, Lou. Food is art too, y'know.") His voice dims out into a low hum, and then it stops, and Louis can practically _hear_  Harry's smile as he realizes Louis is standing in the kitchen doorway, leaning lazily against it.

Harry slowly turns around, and he stares at Louis, a grin plastered on his face. After a couple of seconds, he runs towards him, and Louis smiles back, opening his arms for Harry. Harry jumps into his arms, his tiny arms wrapping around Louis' neck, feet dangling as Louis wraps his arms around Harry's torso, and they kiss, grinning into each other's mouths.

"I missed you so much, baby." He says, even though they saw each other this morning.

"Missed you too, darling" Harry says, staring at Louis' eyes. His mouth twitches, and Louis knows just like that, that Harry knows there's something wrong. Harry doesn't say anything though, just lets his smile drop, kisses Louis one more time, and detangles his arms from around Louis' neck. Louis lets him down gently, and watches as Harry makes his way back to whatever it is he's cooking, his socked feet padding softly against the floor.

Louis knows they'll talk about it later, knows Harry isn't ready yet, so he tries to change the mood.

"What is it that smells so delicious, baby?" He makes his way to the counter and hops up, watching as Harry stirs the sauce gently.

"Pasta, I know how much you liked it last time. Wanted to see if you could like it even more after I added some ingredients." Harry says, looking up at Louis, a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes on his face.

Louis hums enthusiastically, "I love you so much." he says, because he knows tonight will be rough. Harry smiles at him, this time a little more sincere, the type of smile that makes his dimple deepen and his eyes crinkle.

"I love you too."

 

-•-

 

After dinner, Louis tells Harry that he'll do the dishes. He tells him to go watch the telly, that it's alright. Harry smiles at him, combs his hands through Louis' hair and kisses the top of his head, then makes his way to the bedroom. Louis washes the dishes, sets them beside the sink to let them dry, and goes to the bedroom as well.

He finds Harry curled up in the middle of the bed, a blanket draped on top of his tiny body, hiding half of his face under it. He's watching a show Louis doesn't recognize.

He smiles sadly, knows Harry is getting ready to face whatever it is Louis will tell him, and walks over to him. He crawls on the bed beside Harry, and he immediately latches onto Louis like a koala, tucking his tiny face in Louis' neck. Louis wraps his arms around his slim torso, holding him close. They lay like that for a while, until Harry grabs the remote and turns off the telly. He curls up into Louis' side again, legs intertwining, and looks up at him through his eyelashes.

"What is it?" He says, voice quiet, a little raspy.

Louis looks down at him, traces his fingertips down Harry's spine, making him shiver, and intertwines his other hand with Harry's. Harry fists Louis' shirt with his other hand, as if he was holding on, desperately wanting the news not to be bad.

"A week." Louis says, and watches as Harry's brows furrow.

"A week? Well that isn't that bad, is it?" Harry says, confused.

Louis takes a deep breath, "The week. Our week." and Harry stares at him for a while longer, expression remaining emotionless, body stiff. Louis knows he's breaking, can almost feel how Harry's heart shatters.

Harry looks down, his pretty eyelashes fluttering. "Oh." He says, and it sounds so broken, so sad, so _tired_ and Louis wants to break something, wants to punch someone, wants to scream because he can't stand when Harry is sad. He can't stand looking at his boy, at his heart, and not seeing his eyes twinkle, or a cheeky grin framing his face.

Harry frowns, and Louis catches the tear that rolls down his cheek with his thumb. Harry looks up at him again.

"Why?" he asks, and he slowly blinks, making tears slip out of his eyes. He takes a shaky breath, "Why can't we have something good for once?"

His voice cracks a little, and Louis frowns, he pulls Harry closer, burrows Harry's head in his chest. "We will, baby, we will have something good. Soon." He whispers, resting his chin on top of Harry's curls.

Harry sniffles, crying a more harshly now, a little whimper escaping his lips as he fists Louis' shirt tighter. Louis strokes the back of his hair, tangles his fingers through his curls just like he knows Harry likes. 

"I know baby, I know." He whispers, his voice cracking a little. "Let it all out, baby. It'll be alright darling, everything will be alright."

Harry shakes his head, fists his hands tighter, and starts pulling at Louis' shirt. His breath quickens, and Louis knows he's having a panic attack.

Louis sighs, closes his eyes and tries to be strong, tells himself to be strong. Louis holds him tighter,

"It's alright darling, look at me." He instructs, voice a little firmer. Harry keeps shaking his head, his little hands trembling.

"No, no, no, no." Harry chants and Louis wants to cry, because he hates this. He hates seeing Harry like this. Harry's voice gets louder, and he twists Louis' shirt in his fists, his head shaking faster and faster.

Louis sits up, rests his back against the headboard, and pulls Harry up with him. He makes sure Harry straddles his lap, tugs Harry's hands away from his shirt, and crosses them into Harry's chest, forming an "X" with his tiny arms.

He hugs Harry like that, holds him tight against his chest. Harry tries to fight it, and Louis holds on tighter. "It's okay, love. It's okay, you're okay. Calm down baby, I'm here, it's okay." He chants into Harry's hair. Harry shakes his head. Louis feels him shake beneath him.

"No, no, no, no." Harry is thrashing, desperately trying to get out of Louis' grasp. He screams in frustration and starts to pant a little. Louis knows how to handle this, he's done it so many times now, but it hurts even more each time. It hurts to see Harry hurting. It makes him feel so helpless, makes him feel like he's losing control.

Louis hears Harry start to lose his breath, little wheezing sounds start to leave his lips then, and Louis loosens his hold a little, trying to give him space.

"You're okay baby. Hold on, It'll get better in a bit, love." He says, trying to make his voice as soft and soothing as possible.

"You're okay, take deep breaths for me, darling. Keep breathing. It's okay. You're so good, doing so good, baby." He holds him tight with one arm and fumbles as he rummages through the drawer on their bedside table, trying to find the inhaler.

Finally, Louis finds it. He adjusts it in his hands. Harry's stopped thrashing, but he's wheezing harder, and Louis feels the panic rush through his veins. He knows Harry is beginning to panic, too. He's always so scared when this happens. Louis tries to reassure him, tries to hold him, to tell him through soft touches and gentle stares that it's going to be fine. That they're okay.

He shakes the inhaler, and puts it into Harry's mouth. "Deep breaths, that's it baby. That's it. Deep breaths."

Harry stops moving, his eyes flutter closed and his breathing evens out. Louis sighs, he loosens his grip a little more, giving him a little more space and let's him breathe through it.

Harry let's a little whimper escape out of his pretty pink lips, and more tears slip out of his eyes. He looks up at Louis through hooded eyes, and Louis feels his heart clench. He looks beautiful even now. His cheeks rosy, eyes puffy, lips incredibly red and bitten, and curls framing his perfect face. Louis can't understand how he ended up with somebody so gorgeous. He also doesn't understand why does someone so beautiful, so sweet and caring has to suffer so much.

He slumps onto Louis and wraps his arms around his torso. He holds onto Louis as if he were a lifeline, the only thing that could keep him safe, alive. Louis holds him tight. He rubs a soothing hand down his back, scratches softly at his scalp.

"Lou." Harry says, voice hoarse, and Louis holds him tighter.

"Shhhh... Go to sleep, baby." Louis says, tries to keep his voice from wavering as his eyes well up. He doesn't let the tears slip past his eyelids.

"I'm here, I'll hold you." Louis whispers. He feels Harry's breathing even out more, and then he's taking deep, steady breaths. Louis lays there, with his beautiful boy cradled in his arms, and wonders why. He wonders why does life always decide to go against him.

He doesn't know how many minutes pass by. He doesn't know if it's been hours, when he finally feels Harry's breath pick up and knows Harry's awake. He rubs his back, kisses the top of his head.

"Hey." He whispers.

"Hey" Harry replies, voice hoarse. "'M sorry." He says.

Louis frowns. "No need to be sorry, darling. You're perfect. We're okay." Harry nods, tightening his arms around Louis' torso.

"Let's go take a bath, yeah?" Louis says, voice sweet, soft. "Make you feel better, baby."

Harry merely nods, and Louis gets out of bed with Harry in his arms.

 

-•-

 

After they take a bath, Louis carries Harry and sits him on the bed. He gives one of his sweatshirts to Harry, smiling at how big it looks on him. He puts some briefs on and helps Harry get comfortable, and then crawls to his side of the bed. He lays on his side and stares at Harry, who's already looking at him, laying on his tummy with his head facing Louis. They lay there for a while, staring at each others eyes.

"Blue." Harry whispers.

Louis smiles, feeling his eyes crinkle as he does. "Green."

Harry smiles back, and then scoots over so he can curl up onto Louis' side. Louis holds him.

"I love you, darling." Louis says. "I'm sorry about the trip. I promise I'll make it up to you."

Harry trace his tattoos with his finger, and after a while, he shakes his head. "I don't need a trip to love you, Lou. You're all I need." He says, voice as sweet as ever. Louis nods, and kisses the top of Harry's head.

He tightens his hold on Harry and realizes that every single bump is worth it, every single tear, every single scream. He realizes that every obstacle makes them stronger, makes their love for each other grow, makes them cling to it, live for it. He realizes that life doesn't hate him, just makes him stronger day by day.

As he lays there, feeling the warm breath of the love of his life hit his collarbones, he wonders why he ever thought life hated him, when the most beautiful boy there is, is his.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you soooo so much for reading! I hope you liked it xx


End file.
